WHEN YOUR BODY LETS YOU DOWN

HOW DO YOU HANDLE IT?

I've been so blessed to travel pretty darn extensively over the years and been to so many countries but I still have places to go, places on my Bucket List. How do you do that when your Doctor looks at you and says, your travel days are over?
This has happened to me before, but due to constant complications, I underwent surgery and have been lucky enough to travel although somewhat closer to home. 

By most interpretations, I am still young. At least I certainly think I'm young. I know so many who are at least ten years older than I am and they still are healthy leading active lives and travelling around the world.

For me I have to make some choices. Do I want to live and be able to watch my grandchildren growing up? Of course I do! They are my most precious loves. I'm a curious person... I want to know what they will look like and what they as people will be like. What will peak their interest for working in their future, who will they marry? Will they be happy, healthy? Oh yes, I have many questions and want to be here to see the results of the family we created.

Can I go on cruises? Attend conventions across the country? Travel 'cross country to visit friends and family?

Questions I don't have answers to... yet. And am not sure I am going to like the answers I get from my surgeons one day perhaps all too soon. 

I've just spent almost 6 weeks waiting for biopsy results and results from cancer screening. Six weeks of expecting to enter hospital upon my return, for major surgery. Now, they have changed their minds. The surgery has been delayed or maybe even cancelled? The good news, GREAT NEWS, is that the tests were negative. There is no cancer.
But inside, my body is a nightmare of a mess of adhesions and other issues. I live in pain most days now. One Doctor send me home from the hospital telling me to "just take Tylenol." Unfortunately, it doesn't do anything for the pain.

I'm too young for all this. I'm also terrified by something else. All my life I've had the feeling I would die when I was seventy and that number is quickly approaching. It scares me. But to talk about it makes people think I'm crazy but am I?

I must remind myself that the biopsy results were negative and the Ovarian Cancer blood screening test, the CA-125 had a very low number which is excellent they tell me. In a few weeks I'll have a mammogram. 

But I continue to have pain, not as severe as it was that weekend in January or recently. Is it stress related? How does one measure that?

To many they say - aww, too bad you can't travel, because they've never had the luxury that I've had, to see so much of the world, but when your life changes, in any way, it takes time to adjust to the changes. So, I will relax, sit back, and adjust.